


Pervalicious

by Unforth



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Love in the Time of Coronavirus, M/M, Roommates, Supernatural Quarantine Zine, idiots to lovers, quarantine fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29402940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unforth/pseuds/Unforth
Summary: Dean should absolutelynotbe perving on his roommate Cas. He's a mature adult and he's definitely not in love (OR in lust!) with his roommate and...fuck, they're going to be self-isolating together.Fuck Dean's life.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59
Collections: SQZ Fanzine Vol. 1





	Pervalicious

**Author's Note:**

> This was my fic for the SQZ, which was a PDF zine that raised money for charity. We got permission to post a few days ago, so...here ya'll go! Enjoy! I had a bunch of plans for quarantine-related fics but this is the only one I actually got around to writing, oops.

“Whelp, it’s official,” Dean said, picking up the remote and turning the TV off as Cas walked into the room. “We’re in lockdown.”

“No.” A few days ago, Cas would have sounded angry, frustrated, shocked. Now, he just sounded tired, though Dean couldn’t have said if that was because they’d watched a week of increasingly dire Covid-19 coverage or because he hadn’t had coffee yet.

“Governor just announced it,” confirmed Dean. “Surprise vacay!”

“I said  _ no _ ,” groused Cas, stalking to the kitchen and raking a hand through his already-dishevelled hair. Dressed in the loose shirt and hip-hugging flannel pajama bottoms, he was gorgeous, and Dean indulged in a prolonged stare at his broad shoulders and narrow hips. As long as Cas’ back was to Dean, Dean was allowed to look.

Not that he was perving on his roommate or anything.

That would be pervy...perverse...pervalicious? Pervtacular? 

No, those made it sound like he was doing a  _ good  _ thing.

Then again, staring at Cas was a  _ very  _ good thing.

_ Fuck my life _ .

“Grouch all you want, asshole,” Dean called after him. “Won’t change reality. So, if you want to ditch this popsicle stand for warmer climes and better company, better pack your bags now. Heard there’s talk of deploying the National Guard to enforce state-wide quarantine orders…”

“That will never happen,” Cas said, emerging from the kitchen nursing a steaming cup of coffee that he held close to his face like a squirrel cherishing its favorite nut.

_ He does look adorable all nutted up… _

“It’s illegal to close state borders like that.”

_...oh God, no, word choice...nutted up? REALLY? That’s...that’s...pervnormous. _

“Well, you know - lockdown now, litigate later,” Dean replied with a shrug, unable to look Cas in the eyes. He was gorgeous with that content smile and his eyes squinting in crescents...he couldn’t be real, nope, he was an anime protagonist or something. Chibi Tuxedo Mask aged up and with a five o’clock shadow.

Not that Dean had a thing for Tuxedo Mask back in the day.

_ If I did, that’d be pervnormous. _

Not that Dean had a thing for Cas.

_ Fuck... _ I’m  _ pervnormous _ .

“And I’d rather stay here with you.”

_...and he really wants to be here? With me? That’s...amazing. Wonderful. I can’t believe-- _

“It’s not like I have anywhere else to go,” Cas added.

_ \--and I  _ shouldn’t  _ believe. Only pervnormity could fathom Cas meant he’d like to spend lockdown with me in a… “spend it with me, spend it with me” way. We’ve been roomies for years and I’ve asked him out how many times? And he’s turned me down flat how many times? I haven’t got a prayer. Why would I even think-- _

_ No. _

_ But-- _

_ Stop. _

_ Could I-- _

_ No. I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, and I won’t. _

Pushing down his unhappy thoughts, Dean grinned. “Of course you would. Who wouldn’t rather be me with me? I’m adorable.”

_ And if I’m hoping he’ll agree...No! If I’m hoping he’ll contradict me and turn me down again and help me get my head out of the gutter? So much the better! The best defense is a truly offensive offense. We’ve cohabitated this long, and we’re gonna have to do it however much longer this Covid-19 shit lasts, so I gotta stop being pervesque. Focus on what matters...like...I don’t even fucking know, climate change, and the primaries, and not dying of the plague, that kind of shit.  _

_ Cas matters. _

Cas quirked an eyebrow and scowled, though it was hard to take his displeasure seriously when he still had the coffee pressed against his lower lip and the rim of his nose kept flaring with his deep, appreciative inhalations. 

_ But I’m a fuck up and an idiot. These dumb-ass feels of mine are unrequited, so I gotta let it go. _

“Indeed, you are,” murmured Cas.  _ Wait, what? There’s no way I heard that correctly.  _ “Would you turn the news back on?

_ Definitely didn’t hear that correctly. _

“Whatever.” Dean shrugged and tossed Cas the remote. “You watch.” The remote clattered to the floor; Cas couldn’t be troubled to release his two-handed hold on his coffee long enough to catch it. “I can’t listen to more of this shit. They don’t know anything so it’s an infinite loop of anxiety and stress and uncertainty, then five minutes of election nonsense, then more anxiety, stress, and uncertainty, Trump says something dumb, more anxiety, stress, uncertainty, and…”

“So adorable,” Cas repeated fondly.

_...I  _ did  _ hear correctly??? _

Dean blinked.

Cas smiled blithely and took a sip of his coffee.

_ Impossible. _

Dean blinked more.

“Are you going to pick up the remote?” asked Cas.

Dean blinked even more.

“After all, you’re the one who threw it...you can’t expect  _ me  _ to retrieve it…”

Dean blinked  _ even fucking more _ .

“Wait...you usually have good aim…” Cas frowned suspiciously. “...did you deliberately miss so I’d have to turn around and you could stare at my ass again?”

Something in Dean’s brain snapped so thoroughly he was shocked it wasn’t crackling through the room like thunder and lightning. 

Cas had said--

And then he  _ cursed _ \--

And was he  _ flirting-- _ ?

And--

And--

And--

“What?” stammered Dean.

_ Ah yes, perfect - A++ response, Winchester. Emmy material right there. _

“Dean.” Cas took another sip and set his mug down on a coaster on the coffee table. “We’re about to be on lockdown for the next who-knows-how-many weeks. Don’t you think it’s past time we stop beating around the bush?”

“I’ve never beaten around the bush in my life!” protested Dean. “I shave! Regularly!”

_ Oh hell. I did  _ not  _ just say-- _

Cas tilted his head to one side and stared at Dean.

_ Play it cool. _

“Come on, pal…”

Cas’ head tilted farther and his lips mimicked the word  _ pal  _ silently.

“...buddy…”

_ Buddy _ , Cas mouthed, even more skeptically.

“Cas! What the fuck?” Dean managed. This conversation was going from bad to worse. Dean wished he could blame the Covid-19 anxiety, but if he was honest with himself...he was always this much of a bumbling idiot when he tried to talk feelings with Cas.

_ Then again, why should I start being honest with myself now? _

Holding Dean’s gaze, Cas took slow, deliberate steps across the room and bent to pick up the remote.

Oh, but that was one  _ hell  _ of a view.

_ Cause he sure  _ seems  _ interested. _

Dean swallowed, wishing he had something to beat back the heat growing beneath his skin - a wet blanket, or a cold shower, or a bucket of ice water, heck, he could film it for one of those charity thing. His brother would toss a few cents toward ALS research or something to support Dean drenching himself, and fuck, even thinking about Sammy couldn’t stop Dean from staring at Cas and thinking about all  _ kinds  _ of things he had no business thinking about.

“I’ve been  _ extremely _ patient,” said Cas, walking back toward the couch, setting the remote down, and retrieving his mug. “I thought - give Dean time. Let him get used to...me...and us...and living together. I thought - given how much Dean stares, he can’t think I haven’t noticed. I thought - one of these days, Dean will make a move. But, apparently I thought wrong. I shouldn’t have given you so much credit.”

_ All those times I asked him out...I was even more inept than this...did he  _ really  _ not even fucking  _ notice _? _

“There ya go,” Dean replied weakly. “You’re learning.”

_ Holy fuck, I suck...and not in the fun way… _

_ Holy fuck, I could have been sucking in the fun way all this time... _

“No, I’m  _ teaching _ ,” Cas corrected. “Because now you confirm - you’ve never beaten around a bush, but you’ve also made it clear, you’re not a virgin, which implies your partners have been male rather than female--”

“It was a  _ joke _ !” 

“--and so I’m done being patient,  _ especially _ if we’re going to be socially isolating in each other’s company for weeks or months,” Cas continued, implacable, blue-eyed gaze steady and piercing. “When we were both working full time and commuting, and it was one thing, but now?” Dean would have looked away if he could... _ bullshit...I’d look at Cas twenty-four/seven if I were allowed to, and it’s starting to sound like maybe, just possibly, I might be. _

“Tell me what you want, Dean.”

_ I should say nothing. I should say, “I want nothing.” I should say, “all I want is a goddamn hamburger,” or to watch spring training, or for Covid-19 to vanish, or world peace, or something. I should make a joke and laugh in his face. I should get angry and throw this back at him, just like he’s done to me time and again. _

_ That’s not fair. _

_ I was hardly clear. _

_ I always said it was just a joke. _

_ Cas has  _ never  _ thrown the truth back in my face. He’s always been honest, excellent, gorgeous, open, enthusiastic, supportive… _

_...and I still thought I’d been straight with him...or really fucking queer with him...whatever, I know what I mean...fuck, have I been an idiot, and I just discovered some new fucking baggage in the unclaimed shit department of my brain, and it doesn’t match worth a damn with anything that’s actually going on right now.  _

_ That’s a problem for tomorrow-me. _

_ Because right now, Cas is being straightly gay with me, and I’m still blustering and bullshitting. So, for today…one problem at a time. _

_ And, based on what he’s seeing, and what I’m feeling...this isn’t even actually a problem. _

_ I just gotta say-- _

“You,” Dean announced. “I want to live with you.” It might still backfire. “I want to spend lockdown with you.” It might still go wrong. “I want to sit on this busted-ass couch with you.” He might still regret opening his mouth. “I want to watch the news with you.” But he sure as  _ hell _ regretted that he’d never been clearer before. “And I want…” So...fuck it. “...you.”  _ Fuck me. _ “I want you, Cas.”  _ Please, please... _ “Always have.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Cas said, breaking into a lovely, genuine smile. “Thank you, Dean. Now, as you say - ‘real talk.’”

“I’m all ears.”

“You are not; in fact, you are roughly 0.1% ear,” Cas deadpanned. “Please don’t change the topic.”

“ _ WHAT? _ ”

“I don’t shave,” said Cas, and hell if he wasn’t such a good straight-man that Dean couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not. “Is that going to be a problem?” No...they’d already established...not straight-man...definitely gay man...bi man?...pan man??...queer man???

_ I am so fucked. _

“No problem at all,” managed Dean weakly. “How many times do I gotta tell you? The bush thing was a joke.”

_ So, so, so, so fucked. _

“On the contrary. I take kink negotiation very seriously.”

_ In all the best possible ways. _

“But first - may I please watch the news?”

_ Wow, lockdown is gonna be  _ awesome _ … _

“Be my guest.”

_...no, even better...lockdown is gonna be pervilicious… _

“No. We’re roommates. I live here. I am most definitely not your guest.”

_...and I cannot  _ wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Check me out on social media!  
> Tumblr: [unforth](https://unforth.tumblr.com/) (very multifandom with a decent amount of politics/social justice)  
> Twitter: [unforth](https://twitter.com/unforth) (mostly MDZS/CQL, with a splash of multifandom and also a decent amount of politics/social justice, cause sorry, them's the times)  
> Discord: unforth#6748


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